Wardrobe

An unsexy wardrobe showcase…

I was sitting with my friend in a park in Copenhagen called Superkilen, while there was a wild police chase happening around us. My friend was eating a falafel from our fave falafel place, where they have the best durum (truly, it is one of the best) breads. We were reminiscing of cool* things we’ve done while trying to impress our latest crush. She’s currently boy crazy, like the serious kind of boy crazy. Talking about boys is great, even though they’re mostly terrible. With all this talk, we cackled about the time I brought home a guy who I then didn’t bang, just showed him my whole wardrobe. Class right?

Nothing like partying every night in college and taking it all so seriously. If you told me now that I had to go out in a black pleather tube dress and heels with no jacket in April, I would suggest you shut the eff up.  I dressed up. I’m still surprised that I didn’t have a recurring chest infection thanks to my love of French Connection strapless boob dresses styled with high top sneakers. I still hate you Lily Allen for that one.

I take getting dressed pretty seriously now, but then it was even more important. My wardrobe was a mish mash of tight party dresses, vintage tea dresses and never ending polyester. There is nothing quite like the smell of charity shop clothes. I was proud of this messy wardrobe, especially the Wonderwoman Dolce & Gabbana t-shirt I had bought in BTs on sale a few years ago. Why yes, the label did say D&G very loudly on the back. Why yes, I am wearing Dolce, of course. Did you notice. It’s designer. I’m that person.

At my favourite indie club night in Cork city, I used my almost patent foolproof method of just asking people to make out with me as they are mid sentence. Me and this dude, we kissed in corners of the bar and club, We stood outside and I explained how great an idea hanging out with me is. I took my new friend home to end the night. We got back to my house, went to my room, and then the magic happened.

Instead of taking off our clothes, I took all my favourite clothes out of my wardrobe and explained why I bought them. Where I bought them. How special they are. See this really great fake fur coat? I love it. Like I really love it. Feel it, it’s such a weird texture. It feels sticky. Nothing sexier than asking the dude who thought he was going to get laid to feel your sticky fake fur jacket. So weird right that nothing happened with all this sexy chat? I talked us both to sleep.

The next day, in the cold light of day (that phrase is so relevant for so many morning afters) and decided to tell my new “friend” I thought he had a different name instead of the one he had. Why not make an already awkward situation more awkward by telling someone it would be better they had a different name.

Boy crazy life makes you do really cool things.

*read stupid.